


You are my perfect story book

by Sambam327



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Memory Loss, actress lexa, singer clarke, soul mates, still coping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 16:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6527929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sambam327/pseuds/Sambam327
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa wakes up in the hospital from a gunshot wound in her abdomen. She has no memory of who she is, what happened to her or anything from her past.</p><p>She dreams every night of blonde hair, and crying blue eyes. And a devastating kiss goodbye. Is it a dream? A memory? </p><p>If its a memory why hasn't the girl looked for her in the five years since she has woken up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok. So I am currently writing another story but while listening to Ruth B's Lost Boy song this idea came in my head. The song also inspired my other story..crazy how music does that to you huh? Well anywho, I had to get the start of this one out because I think it was blocking my thoughts and keeping me from writing the other one. 
> 
> So I'm just going to try and write both. Let me know what you think..

Lexa Woods running through the streets of New York. Lexa is always running from something. Her Past. Her Present. Currently she is running from her responsibility. She passes a billboard that she knows contains her face. The latest Dior add. If she looked up she would see herself pressed against a wall with some half naked man against her. She hated that shoot. She hates all those shoots. Being forced to have men be on her, makes her feel uncomfortable. She always has a small panic attack afterwards. But that’s the job. That’s acting.

She could feel her phone ringing in her pocket. It’s probably her manager again. Or her publicist. Or her agent. All calls are always business, all the time. Except for her best friend Raven. But she doesn’t call, she texts.

She ignores her phone and continues running. She runs to the big catholic church down the street. She opens the doors, and walks in. It’s usually pretty empty and quiet. That’s why she likes to come to the church when life seems to be too much. She isn’t religious. She’s not even sure she believes in god. She doesn’t remember if her family was religious. That’s because she doesn’t remember her family. Or if she ever had one. No one has ever came forward to claim her.

Lexa doesn’t remember anything prior to waking up in a hospital five years ago. She was found in the Hudson river, a gunshot in her abdomen. The doctors told her she had died, but was able to be revived. She spent weeks recovering, waiting on a family that never came. That’s also where she met Raven. Raven was her roommate in the hospital. She was also shot. She was mugged, and was shot in the spine trying to defend herself. They were able to get the bullet out, but the damage was irreversible. She has to wear a leg brace now.

They got along the instant they met. Raven hasn’t left her side since that day. She took Lexa in, as Lexa had no home, no family, no friends, and no memory. Lexa wasn’t even sure if her name was actually Lexa. Since Lexa woke up in the hospital, she has had the same recurring dream every night. She dreamed of an angel with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes, and golden hair. The blue eyes though beautiful, were full of falling tears. She can hear the voice of the angel calling her Lexa, choking back tears. Saying that she doesn’t want anyone else, only her. Her dream ends every night with a desperate, broken kiss. And then every night as soon as the dream is over, Lexa wakes with a start. She puts her hand to her stomach, over her scar, and cries for the sad woman in her dream.

She’s always wondered if it was a memory or not. If it was a memory, why hasn’t this woman claimed her? Lexa can admit to herself that the main reason she even got into acting was so that maybe whoever the girl was, if she was real, she would see her and come find her. Lexa’s face is plastered all over the world, and the girl has yet to come forward. So she always tries to tell herself it’s just a dream, and that she will never know who she was before that bullet stole her life away.

Lexa has been in the church for three hours before she hears footsteps echoing throughout the building. She knows those footsteps. The small creak of the metal brace. She feels the weight of a body sit down next to her, followed by a head leaning on her shoulder.

“Hey. You ok? I’ve gotten about 75 calls from your manager today.” Raven says.

“I’m sorry, Rae. I was feeling more lost than usual today, and well I just couldn’t deal with it.” Lexa says.

Raven nods in understanding. Her best friend always feels lost, how could she not. She doesn’t know who she is, who she was. Raven actually doesn’t know how she keeps going sometimes. But that’s what she is there for. And she will always be there for her best friend.

“Its ok, I told them you had the stomach flu, and can’t even lift your head to talk on the phone.” She smiles at Lexa before grabbing her hand and pulling her up. “Now come on. I’m taking you out.”

“Raven, if you just lied to my manager about having the flu, how are we going to go out? What if some Paps see us and then blast the photos all over TMZ?”

“Who cares, I think you should fire that bitch anyways. Plus it’s a little tiny dive bar, full of hipsters. No one will notice big Hollywood like you. That’s so uncool.” She laughs, which puts a smile on Lexa’s face.

What’s the worst that could happen?

 

They arrived at the little bar and Lexa hates to admit it, but Raven was right. No one even spared Lexa a second glance. She was sitting off to the side away from everyone just in case. She was sipping slowly on her drink, as she was never a big drinker. Well she doesn’t know if she was a big drinker before 5 years ago, but she probably wasn’t. The lights throughout the room start to dim, and a spotlight appears over to the middle of stage in the back of the building, over a piano.

Lexa can’t see her face very well, but she can see a young blonde woman take the stage, then hearing some whoops and hollers from a small group sitting right in front of the stage. Lexa’s heart stops taking in the full head of blonde hair. It always does when she sees a blonde. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths, followed by her inner mantra of “It’s not her. She’s just a dream.”

Lexa doesn’t open her eyes again until she starts hearing the girl play a beautiful melody on the piano. When the girls voice comes over the speakers, Lexa gets a shooting pain in her stomach, right where her scar is.

 

There was a time when I was alone  
Nowhere to go and no place to call home  
My only friend was the man on the moon  
And even sometime he would go away too

Then one night, as I closed my eyes  
I saw a shadow flying high  
He came to me with the sweetest smile  
Told me he wanted to talk for a while  
He said, “Peter Pan, that’s what they call me  
I promise that you’ll never be lonely”

And ever since that day

I am a lost boy from Neverland  
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan  
And when we’re bored we play in the woods  
Always on the run from Captain Hook  
“Run, run, lost boy” they say to me  
Away from all of reality

 

Lexa can’t tear her eyes away from the blonde. She can’t see her face, but her voice calls to Lexa. The words, the melody, the girl. All of it is screaming to her. She can only see her side profile, but something inside her says its her. Lexa starts walking towards the stage while the blonde continues singing.

 

He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believe  
Believe in him, and believe in me  
Together we will fly away in a cloud of green  
To your beautiful destiny

 

The girl chokes up a little at those last words. Lexa feels her throat constricting with her. She continues to try and push her way through the crowd so she can get a look at this girl. She needs to see her face. She needs to see her eyes. Those blue eyes. She knows she will find those blue eyes.

 

As we soared above the town that never loved me  
I realized I finally had a family  
Soon enough we reached Neverland  
Peacefully my feet hit the sand  
And ever since that day

Neverland is home to lost boys like me  
And lost boys like me are free

Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling  
Even Captain Hook, you are my perfect story book  
Neverland I love you so  
You are now my home sweet home  
Forever a lost boy, at last.

 

Lexa makes it to the middle of the floor, standing in front of the girl as she finishes her song. The girl wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath before turning to the crowd. The bar has gone silent. The emotion of her song and voice hitting everyone in the room.

The silence is broken by shattering glass. The glass Lexa was holding slips from her hand the second the girl turns to the crowd. Their eyes meet. Those blue eyes from her dream. The beautiful angel with golden hair. The girl shrieks in recognition and holds her hand up to her mouth, tears falling madly down from those beautiful eyes.

Lexa doesn’t know what to do. It’s her. It’s the girl from her dream. Or memory. The girl goes to stand up and Lexa does what she always does.

She runs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.. I've decided to just try and work on both stories at the same time. I'll try to update asap.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Oh and self harm/suicide warning in this chapter.
> 
> Sorry :(

Clarke Griffin is pacing around her best friend Octavia's apartment, having a mild panic attack. 

She just arrived in New York city a few months ago, and Octavia has been pushing her to try and get some singing gigs lined up. And she did, on her first try.

She went into a little bar and spoke with the creepy manager who wouldn't stop staring at her chest. She thinks she probably could have asked him to empty the cash register and give her all the money and he would agree without so much as looking up.

No matter how creepy the guy was, she was grateful that she would have a chance. Music has become her way of coping since her mental break down 5 years ago. She had to give up drawing since that had become part of the problem.

5 years ago Clarke woke up screaming, in the middle of the night from a horrible nightmare. In the dream she was looking down at a woman who was bleeding black blood from a gunshot in her stomach. She knew she loved this woman. She could feel it with every fiber of her being. She was trying to save her knowing she couldn't. In the dream, Clarke was telling her she wanted her, not someone else. She recited a poem she never heard before. What hurt Clarke the most was the taste of blood as she kissed her goodbye.

The dream would come back every night, and every night she would wake up screaming. It was starting to eat her alive, the grief she felt for this nameless woman. She became obsessed. She would draw her hundreds of times a day. She was consumed with the forest green eyes, that looked at her like she was the Sun and stars.

It started getting worse as the months starting dragging on. The dream would grow to include other moments. She learned her name. It was Lexa. She watched Lexa walk away, when she really needed her. She held a knife to Lexa's throat, but the thought of hurting and losing her broke Clarke more than the betrayal she felt in her heart. She saw those beautiful green eyes behind war paint resembling tears, that Lexa wore. But the one thing she dreamt most, besides Lexa's death, which she dreamt that every single night, was the way Lexa looked up at Clarke from a beautiful bed. Tears streaming down her face, and not in war paint. Real tears, as Clarke gave herself to Lexa. 

It was that moment that finally broke Clarke. She lost it. She couldn't take the emotional pain. She tried not to sleep, but that would make it worse. If she wasn't dreaming about the mysterious woman she was thinking about her or drawing her. She would talk about her to her friends and family. They eventually decided she needed professional help.

The Shrinks her parents took her to all said she had a delusional disorder. They promised therapy and medication would make it all go away. 

It didn't. It did put a damper on the drawing and talking only. She was so fucked up off the meds that she could barely get out of bed which, meant she slept more. Dreamt more.

Finally after 2 years, Clarke couldn't take it any longer. She decided to end it all. She decided that when the dream came that night, she would die right beside Lexa. She took the whole bottle of meds that night, and surrounded herself with her favorite drawings of Lexa. She felt at peace for once waiting for the darkness to consume her.

That was the night she dreamt of another kiss. It felt like a first kiss, even though she had kissed her hundreds of times in her dreams. Lexa was wearing her war paint. They were in a tent of some kind and Lexa had kissed her. The kiss felt like a sweet promise. Clarke had pulled back from her and apologized. 

"Not yet." Clarke had told Lexa, who simply nodded in understanding.

That's when Clarke shot up in bed, and out of her dream. It was the first and only time she has woken up without seeing Lexa die. She ran to the bathroom and tried to throw up all the pills she took. She called for her mom, while silently begging Lexa to forgive her. She didn't know if Lexa would be waiting for her, once she had taken her last breath or not. But she knew it wasn't her time. Not yet.

Her mother was able to get help for her, and after a little stay in the emergency room, she was checked into a mental health facility. She knew that getting rid of the dreams was an impossible feat. So she learned how to cope with them. She learned to embrace the good moments she saw, and worked out how to channel the pain she felt with the bad ones into music.

After a year in the hospital she was ready to go home and face the world. Her parents were teachers, and when Clarke was released, they decided to take an international teaching job in Africa. Clarke went with them. She spent a year and a half in Africa with her parents. She loved it. No one looked at her like she was crazy. She got to help people. And she also got to work on her music, and play for all the kids. 

She knew she couldn't run from the world forever though. So she left Africa and went back to the states. Her best friend Octavia took her in no questions asked, and that's where she's at now. Freaking out about her first gig.

"Clarke breath." Octavia tells her while running her hand up and down her back.

"I've only played in front of you, kids and other patients at the hospital, O."

"You're going to be great. The whole gang is going to be there! Just act like you're playing for us."

Clarke tries to take in a few gulps of air. Maybe she will just pretend she is playing for Lexa. She smiles. All of her songs are for or about Lexa anyway. 

"Thanks O." She hugs her best friend before they take off for the bar.

 

About 5 minutes before Clarke is supposed to take the stage, she starts having a panic attack again. Octavia hands her a shot, a double actually and Clarke downs it. She knows she shouldn't have because she is still on medication, but she needed something to calm her nerves.

The lights go out on the stage, and she walks to the piano. She sits down, and she can hear all her friends cheering. Beautiful green eyes enter her mind before the first note of the song follows.

Clarke makes it through the song with only one small hiccup. The words

He sprinkled me in pixie dust and told me to believe  
Believe in him, and believe in me  
Together we will fly away in a cloud of green  
To your beautiful destiny

If Clarke believed in anything, it was that Lexa was real somehow. Maybe it was a past life, or a future one. Maybe Lexa is Peter Pan and just waiting in Neverland. She can't explain it, but she knows it's true. They will meet again, as promised by them both.

After the song Clarke has to wipe away some tears. She pours her soul into every song, hoping somehow Lexa will hear her. She finally turns to face the quiet crowd when the sound of shattered glads hits her ears. 

She looks into the same green eyes that have both haunted and soothed her every single night. She gasps and stands up reaching for them.

Then she watches as they leave. She watches as Lexa runs away from her.


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa makes her way outside the bar after running away from the blue eyed girl. Lexa had to get out of there. It was too much. The look of shock on the blondes face. She is real. It wasn't just a dream. She knows Lexa. 

Although, maybe Lexa was just mistaken. What if she wasn't really the girl from her dreams? It could have been a trick of the light. Or Lexa could have just wanted it to be her so much that she imagined it, and the singer just slightly resembles the dream girl. She could have just recognized Lexa as being who she was. The actress. People react the way the blonde did all the time around her.

She pulls out her phone and texts Raven, letting her know she has to get out of there, and she will see her at home. She will talk to Raven about it later. No need to ruin her night, she was having a great time with one of the bar patrons. Or maybe it was two of the bar patrons.

Lexa is about to head home, where she would have time to sort everything out, when she hears music start playing inside the bar again. She is drawn to it like it's a Siren's song. She pushes her way back in, but stays out of sight. 

She can't force herself to look at the singer, so she hides in a booth, her back to the girl. She doesn't know which would disappoint her more, finding out it actually was her, or that it wasn't. Regardless, the sound of the girls voice sends her to a place in her mind she's never been or seen before.

 

It takes Clarke a minute to realize what happened. That wasn't Lexa. How could that have been Lexa? She shakes her head back and forth trying to clear her mind of the ridiculous notion. Octavia, seeing her sudden panic, gets up from her seat at the table and heads over to the stage.

"What's up, Clarke? Are you ok?" She asks.

"Yea. I'm fine. Just the glass breaking.." Clarke says trying to come up with an excuse that isn't.. Oh hey remember how I used to talk about Lexa, that girl I dreamt about every single fucking night. And went crazy because of it. Well now I'm hallucinating her.

She's just now getting her life back together, she's not going to start worrying her best friend now. Plus, it had to have been the shot she took. They always say don't mix medications and alcohol. Now she knows. 

Clarke takes a deep breath. "I'm ok, O. I still have the one song left. I'm just going to power through it." She gives Octavia her best grin.

"Get it, girl!" Octavia says, giving her a high five. She turns to the crowd. "Clarke Griffin everyone!" and heads back to her seat clapping.

The crowd starts applauding along with Octavia, while the rest of her friends start whistling. Clarke walks back to center stage, and sits down. She prepares her self for the next song. The song she is about to sing, is one of the most special songs she's ever written. It's about her and Lexa's first time being together in her dreams. She felt that it had been a long time coming. It was so beautiful and pure. How at that moment there was nothing else besides the two of them. The two of them together. Together and alive.

She wasn't going to perform this originally, because the song is about very intimate moment. The song was never supposed to be sung in public. It was a song she made only for Lexa. Octavia found it in one of her song books and insisted, saying it was her best song. That she had to play it.

A blush creeps up her neck as she starts to share the words.

 

My hands are searching for you  
My arms are outstretched towards you  
I feel you on my fingertips  
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being  
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive   
I'm alive

I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me  
And you whisper you love me  
And I begin to fade  
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway  
The angels singing say we are alone with you  
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive  
I'm alive

I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing

So I cry  
The light is white  
And I see you

I'm alive  
I'm alive  
I'm alive

And I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand  
I give it to you  
Now you own me  
All I am  
You said you would never leave me  
I believe you  
I believe

I can feel you all around me  
Thickening the air I'm breathing  
Holding on to what I'm feeling  
Savoring this heart that's healed

 

Clake is in full blown tears by the end of the song. She pictured the entire moment while singing. In her dreams, she always loses Lexa next. 

The entire bar is standing up clapping. She stupidly looks around, some part of her hoping to see Lexa there again. Even if it was an illusion. She just wants to see her. She doesn't see her, though. She takes a small bow, and has to rush off the stage. Her emotions taking over her. She needs to be alone. She needs to go.

 

Tears are streaming down Lexa's face at the end of the song. While listening to the singers words and voice, Lexa had what felt like a memory. She's never had a memory return before, just the same dream. 

She remembers her name, the blue eyed girl. It's Clarke. She remembers the touch of their desperate lips, and how a tear fell from Lexa's eyes afterwards. She remembers looking into Clarke's eyes, seeing hope. Remembering the feeling of Clarke tracing a finger lightly down her back, gives her goosebumps. She remembers furs, and candles. And love. She remembers the feeling of great love above all else. 

"Clarke.." She whispers. "I'm alive."

She gets up, and looks towards the stage, needing to see her. She needs to know what happened. She needs to know it all. Why did she leave Lexa if she loved her so much? Why hasn't she reached out? What did Lexa do to deserve to be forgotten? She just needs to know.

But the stage is empty. Clarke was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is all around me by flyleaf. One of my faves!


End file.
